Frank Gore Is Going to Be Angrier Than Normal

For some reason (maybe because he gets paid to do it), Peter King has decided to rank the top 500 NFL players and provide reasons for the top 300. Before every NFL player and fan rips him several new assholes, let me first commend Mr. King for his audacity. This is the kind of bold journalism that only a few NFL writers (you taking notes Don Banks?) would even attempt. It essentially ensures that every player outside the top 50 will be pissed off leading to plenty of awkward interviewing moments during the upcoming season. Kudos Mr. King, you magnificent bastard.

"Now Peter, I know you want to make out with me but I don't find jowls attractive."

Now let's get down to business. Looking through it quickly we see the following 15 Niners listed in the Top 500:

Nate Clements (#49) - The fifth-ranked corner and in the top 50 overall. Hard to argue with that. But Nnamdi Asomugah (#46) higher than him? Come on.
Frank Gore (#71) - [stunned silence] I'm coming back to this one.
Hepatitis V (#163) - Too busy sculpting his guns to notice there are 7 TEs higher than he is. He needs to stay healthy and move up this year.
Alex Smith (#209) - 25th-ranked QB? That puts him in the lower tercile. Unbelievable. He will show the league that he's better than this.
Brandon Moore (#235) - Would probably willingly move down to #501 if it got him back in the starting lineup. And I don't see Derek "Cyclops" Smith anywhere on this list. Hmmmmmm....wonder if Moore will be back?
Patrick Willis (#253) - Can't argue until he plays a real snap in The League.
Darrell Jackson (#311) - All people remember about him are his health, including a chronic case of "the dropsies " he had in Seattle.
Jonas Jennings (#326) / Larry Allen (#421)/ Eric Heitmann (#469)/ Justin Smiley (#497) - Offensive linemen are happy when ANYONE notices them. And the only starter from last year not named on the list is Kwame. I know - I was shocked too.
Bryant Young (#359), Walt Harris (#370) - Defensive vets too old/secure to really care. They're like 14 year-old dogs that want to lie in the sun and not be bothered.
Michael Lewis (#397)/ Manny Lawson (#465) - At this point is anyone even reading besides me?

There are so many glaring "WTF?!?" moments as you go down the overall list, but the one that got me was when I got to #71. The main knock on Gore has been his health and whether he was a one-year wonder. He already runs angrier than Owen Wilson's H and coke dealers, so what do you think this kind of disrespect is going to do for his game? Nolan should just tape a giant #71 in Gore's locker each Sunday morning, menacingly glare at the other sideline as FG goes for 175 a game, and remember to thank King in his Coach of the Year acceptance speech.

"Ken Whisen-who? I'm wearing a suit bitch. You KNOW I mean business!"

Basically King has made himself an even more important judge of skill among NFL players as they claw to move up his list for next preseason. Outside of salary and rings, Madden ratings are the biggest thing players compete on. Now they have King's List to fight over.

"I appreciate your call, I really do. This is the motivation I need to step up my game a little more and have a great season. So thank you." -Rodney Harrison to Peter King

Rodney Harrison, Frank Gore and a whole lot of other players probably feel the same way. I think its actually a good thing King insulted our best player - someone should should send him a thank you note.